my journey to "stay at home"

I started out this blog about "A day in my life as a Mom," I changed it to "My life as a Mom" to "Being a wife and mother" to "my journey to becoming 'stay at home'" to "my journey to stay at home. " Let's say I'm joyfulling blogging again.

Where there is confusion there is need for clarity. My life has been a bit of a haze since Hannah's arrival 4 years ago. I have finally figured out what question to ask myself: What is my current calling at my stage of life? It is being a wife and mother. It has been a very long journey "arriving" here--what feels like just the starting line of this marathon. I still have a bit of queasiness even typing those words: being a wife and mother. Let me do that again: being a wife and mother... being a wife and mother... the queasiness is there every time. For me, saying that means that is my only focus and absolutely nothing else. So "being a wife and mother" defines "stay-at-home"ness for me. Which has always made me feel uncomfortable. On a very basic level, our culture balks at stay-at-homeness. So I have become a product of that balking. Not to mention some personal experiences to enforce that. After my parents divorced, my mother worked hard to earn a living. She always told me to "never count on a man to support you." My dad always treated me like a boy, so I was expected to excel and bring success and pride to the family name. So I pulled up my boot straps and I marched to the tune of the independent woman. I remember wanting to say to my friends in university, "oh you guys go ahead and get married first, I'm in no hurry. I don't mind being the last single one among us..." In fact, I was among the first to get hitched... God, in His providence, knew I needed the most work and the time! In our pre-marriage counselling the most intense topic for discussion was on me one day becoming a stay-at-home mom. I resented even the topic. We waited 4 years and then Hannah arrived. From the first day Hannah was home, I became "stay at home." I recently asked Graham, "that's kind of a huge topic to just gloss over, you knew where I stood, why did you still marry me?" Ah it is all God's grace.

I recently came across a very nice term that I will slowly aquire as my professional title: Professional Parent. I like the sound of that.