Last night, I was awoken to a faint but familiar sort of "roaring." It was the sound of vomit. The stomach flu has his my house and it's starting with Graham. I hope it ends with him too! I got up right away to see him because he is often faints after he throws up. It was 3:30 am. After trying to tank him up on Gatorade electrolyte solution (without making him vomit again), we headed back to bed. Two hours later, he was dashing to the bathroom again, and I stood beside him wiping his back and face just to keep him from fainting. It was just 2 wakings in the night. My sweet hubby was sweating and pale, yet still apologizing for interrupting my sleep. I replied with, "I nursed 2 babies through the night, I can do this." I was not at all bitter for the lack of sleep. Although I'm feeling it now the next morning.
It's amazing what bearing/raising children can prepare us for. While I stand guard at home for more episodes of vomiting, I am trying to keep myself busy with two busy kids. I slipped back into my room to change out of my PJs. Within seconds Elijah was hollering, "MAMA! WHERE ARE YOU?!!!" I resisted the temptation to poke my head out and forcefully say, "I JUST want to change." I continued to change while saying to myself, "sometimes I just want to get ready in peace." When I came out into the hallway, Elijah tilted his little head and asked in the most sweet and feminine voice, "Mama, I was looking for you." Sometimes, the kids tell me that they miss me. And I have a hard time reconciling the rush of adrenaline from annoyance and the gushing love for my child.
While the kids play fabulously most of the time, times of conflict, I hear myself using "just" statements. I find myself thinking, "can't you guys just get along?" This morning as I was uttering that "just get along" phrase in my head, Hannah hands Elijah her last piece of snack that he was crying about. When Hannah was kicking and screaming for not getting her way, Elijah scurried over with a stuffed toy to comfort her. Even now, as I try to post a blog about "just" statements, Elijah is in his room for some "play time" on his own, but he keeps opening and closing his squeaky door and Hannah keeps poking her head out of the other room asking, "Is Play Time done yet? When is Play time done?" And now Elijah has joined in the questioning. I forgot to tell him that not only must he stay in his room but he must also not talk to me from his door. And I am saying in my head, "can't I just have a few moments to myself."
So I also say to myself this morning, there are no "just"s. As a mother at home with young ones, there are no simple tasks. The simplest tasks are sometimes the most frustrating because we expect them to be done, yet when they are not, it makes us feel more "unproductive." I am learning to dial back my expectations... as I tell the kids to "shut your doors" "go back into your rooms." Ah, as I look at this post, I did "just" get some time to blog. For these small moments, I am thankful for God's grace. I look forward to one day seeing the fruit of this daily exercise of surrendering myself.
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