Not your regular PMS

I started the New Year with a bang. I was flying high: hubby was absent twice in two weeks and with three kids in tow, I even took on another toddler one day a week, I made two huge suppers in that time feeding friends and even produced a lavish meal when hubby returned... What happened?

I had a hunch.

I went and searched in my gmail. MarshallChen@... [not his real last name but close]
Who is MarshallChen@...?  That's my dad.  According to his business card, he's got about 20 lines of titles and credentials. One of the most important titles is that he's a prof at an institution of higher learning over in China. His first name is also NOT Marshall, but his email has "Marshall." Um, he likes the term because it's tough and military.

He is visiting this Sunday.

The first email about this visit came and I started slow decline.

"Girls, I'm coming... " Attached was his application to a department to fund his flight back to Canada... how he's needs to go back to Canada to see his daughters with young kids. "It is too difficult for them to come see me." So he will come see us.

Along with this email was a request to be booked into the downtown 5 star hotel I booked him into last time. He likes the swanky life.  Did I mention that he also requested to be flown First Class to see his lovely daughters?

I called my sister, "I don't believe it." Yet, I could sense that I was doing this just cuz I don't want to be let down. It's the skepticism game one plays, "I won't believe it; but if it's true, it'll be doubly exciting!"

The next email to update us on his itinerary. He will be in Toronto for 3 days. For two days he will have meetings. He is signing a contract for a big project. Oh, and you girls came come and meet my clients.

Well, I was right, of course. But I was still caught off guard by my own emotions. I had tears! Why is this a surprise to me? Why am I even disappointed?

I can answer that question. God has given in us a desire for relationship with our parents.

But it really sucks if they can't deliver as they are meant to. I've already learned so many lessons from this relationship. Evidently, the learning continues.

My dear sister has higher hopes than I. She wrote requesting for him to come stay in our city one day of the weekend, and with them the other day of the weekend.  Just so he can see his grandkids, spend time together. I mean it's just one weekend.

And not to mention, his littlest grandson just turned ONE! Why not, it's such an exciting time!

His email reply, "I'm 70 next year... I don't want to move around places to sleep. You can come out.... or leave the kids and husbands at home..."

I hear it. He wants time with us girls.

I've had it. He needs to accept that I am a wife and mother of 3 children.

I gave it to him... couched in loving language. "The kids don't know you. They say 'your dad' to me when they talk about you..." Essentially telling him, I want him to have some kind of connection with his only 4 grandchildren.

Sensing my strong emotion, he called me.

"Trying to figure out a place to go and visit you in downtown Toronto with three kids will be really difficult."
"Then just leave the kids at home with someone."
['am I really hearing this?'} "But they don't know you. They say, 'your dad' when we talk about you. Not [Grandpa]."
"That's ok."
"But they don't know you."
"That's ok... just bring them to China and we'll play then."
["as if I will do that!"] "Ok, then!" [If I could say, "your loss" in Chinese at that point, I would have].

I've replayed this conversation many times. I just can't believe it!

There are many of these kinds of stories in my life. I struggle to write about them. I mean no disrespect. Because in Chinese culture to speak so candidly about one's father is despicable.  I've been comparing notes for a lot of my life. I really don't have the typical Chinese dad. He's just a-typical in any culture. I think.

I know the advice given to me from my Canadian mindframe is that it's good to be honest. It's good to "let it out." Perhaps. This is reflection. And this is on the World Wide Web. There is a bit of me that is afraid. My dad will read this and ...

And what? .... I've told him that I love him. I can't shake it if I tried. So here are the struggles and perhaps some can learn. And some can just see and feel.

I can go to bed, knowing. Ah, that was good to write it down, share with my friends. And ultimately have an explanation to my crabby self!

And by the way. We are sort of getting our way. He is coming to us after all.  My sweet hubby is going to pick him up from his 5 star hotel and drive him back after.  That's a total of at least 4 hours of driving for my hubby in one day. Just to go 120 km away.  So I should be happy about this.