Remembering

I always go back and forth about blogging.

Today, I realize that if I can write something down, it's better than nothing.

I start writing. Then anxiety kicks in, "oh no! but I missed so much already!"

I write to remember. That's the point. So I will write what I write and anything else I need to remember, the Lord will bring people and memories back to remember.

Today a few silly things happened. I don't want to forget.

As I got dressed for the Y. A sort of one way conversation happened...

N: Are you going to the Y?

Me: Yes.

N: Why do you go to the Y so much?

Me: [Silence... well sweet girl, it's for my mental health]

N: Is it because you want to be big?

Me: [Silence ... where in the world did you get that idea?]

N: I think you look bigger mommy!

Me: [immediate reaction from my gut... oh no! seriously!.. but Seriously Jen, you are going to take your 3 year old's sweet comment to heart that you're big?!"

Sweet girl, that's all I have to say. She just wants to encourage me and I'm analyzing just how big she means I look. Sheesh! It's muscles girl, muscles.

....

Later with supper, as per usual, N does not finish her food. Dessert is an option for enticing the finishing of food. Today, it's 2 spoonfuls of "tapioti" (Tapioca pudding).

I turn around and I find sweet Hannah feeding the child! What is this! Now enabling her?!

Actually, that was not my response... I took my phone and took a photo. That's it, capture the moments and write about them. This is how I need to roll.

....

Bedtime... in the bathroom, where we all congregate... sans daddy.

N is sitting at the edge of the sink like on a toilet getting her bottom washed. As I'm leaning over, E is sitting on the toilet and says....

E: Mom, you look skinnier.

Me: ??

E: You look smaller, like you used to look ... you know... bigger.

H [getting out of shower]: yeah mom, you looked bigger...

E: Yeah kids at school talk like that ...

My mind now drifting... my kids now telling me different things in one day. I'm trying hard to separate my worth, body image from my kids comments. It's hard. But it's encouraging.

....

And I remind myself, as I sit and watch the rolls of skin on my belly, it's about the mental health I work out. It's about Jesus, all to Jesus I surrender, even my body image.

I love my kids. They are so good for me!